Science Report

This blog may be only a few days young, but passionate debate is already breaking out – which is very pleasing to see. Here, Harry wishes to further expand the readers’ horizons with a brief discussion of astrophysics informed by careful observation of the sporting scene.

Science Report

There is growing evidence for the theory of an ‘Oscillating Universe’ based on a recurring event in the North of England.

Every few years it seems that Football Club experiences a run of poor form and dire results. Initial Fan Disquiet is soothed by the reassurances of Loyal Chairman that Beleagured Manager’s job is safe.

However, results remain bad and Fan Disquiet is exacerbated by the news that Talented Youngster is making eyes at Big Club, who may be about to swoop. Furthermore, Wantaway Foreign Striker tells the press in his home country that Beleagured Manager is rubbish and he hates living in Large City, where it rains all the time. Wantaway Foreign Striker and Talented Youngster are joined by Crap Crocked Midfield Has-been, and the pressure on Beleagured Manager increases.

Grumpy Fan With Beard is interviewed on local radio and suggests that Football Club’s faith in Beleagured Manager may be misplaced. Loyal Chairman is forced to change his tune when he finally opens Football Club’s bank statements and notices the size of their debt.

Suddenly Beleagured Manager is dispensible, and even Loyal Chairman himself may be forced aside by the arrival of Rich Benevolent Foreigner With Questionable Past. Rich Benevolent Foreigner With Questionable Past duly takes over and installs Football Genius as manager. Football Genius goes on a spending spree and acquires Brazilian Dynamo, Wing Wizard and assorted others, although Proper Striker eludes him.

Football Club become a thousand times better than they have been for ages and ages, and Football Genius proves to be an excellent manager. Longsuffering Fans appear to have found the panacea for all their woes, but they have failed to consider Manifest Destiny A.K.A Certain Ultimate Misery And Dissappointment.

Just as the pigs in Animal Farm kick out the farmers only to become farmers themselves, surely Football Genius will slowly evolve into Beleagured Manager. There will be Initial Fan Disquiet. Grumpy Fan With Beard will receive a phone call from the BBC…

Harry.

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Filed under Barclays Premier League, BBC, Comment, English Premier League, Football, Opinion, Science, Soccer, Sport

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