Kevin Keegan returned.
Kevin Keegan returned.
I have said some harsh words about Newcastle United on this site, and indeed I have been quite sick of hearing about them over the last week. But today, I have to admit that football supporters everywhere owe the Geordie club a debt of thanks.
Since hearing the news of Kevin Keegan’s re-appointment as Newcastle manager, I have lost count already of the amount of times I have heard the phrase ‘entertaining football’ uttered in connection with it. And I have to say I cannot argue, the world of football is about to become a whole lot more entertaining. At least for us neutral observers, and dare I say one or two Sunderland fans.
I think it is time for a reminder of exactly what this great man has to offer the game in terms of entertainment. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you what is now universally known as The Wit and Wisdom of Kevin Keegan:
“The good news for Nigeria is that they’re two-nil down very early in the game.”
“It’s like a toaster, the ref’s shirt pocket. Every time there’s a tackle, up pops a yellow card. I’m talking metaphysically now of course.”
“The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful.”
“They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different. They are both called Steve.”
“In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg. But leukaemia is worse still. Probably.”
“I think Ron will be pulling him off at half time and no mistakin’.”
“There’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.”
“England have the best fans in the world and Scotland’s fans are second to none.”
“He can’t speak Turks, but you can tell he’s delighted.”
“You’d think the Moroccans would have learnt their lesson by now. You can’t win games without scoring goals.”
“I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time. And not for the reasons that you’re thinking of Clive.”
“Goalkeepers aren’t born today until they’re in their late 20s or 30s and sometimes not even then. Or so it would appear. To me anyway. Don’t you agree?”
“I know what is around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is.”
“You can’t do better than go away from home and get a draw.”
“You’d think the Cameroonians would have learnt their lesson by now. You can’t get very far with such brutal tackles. It’s just not cricket you know.”
“Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose. It’s up to them, the tide is in their court now.”
“The substitute is about to come on – he’s a player who was left out of the starting line-up today. There were others as well.”
“I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s totally different. The red light district is still the same mind you. Though it’s a lot bigger. And more expensive. I prefer Hamburg, more variety. There are these ladies there with fully formed moustaches, know what I mean.”
“…using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength. You could say that that’s his strong point.”
“The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it or draw it even.”
“Argentina are the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that.”
“That decision, for me, was almost certainly definitely wrong.”
“A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm – and it nearly came off.”
“I don’t think there’s anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona. You seen the pictures as well Clive. Like an acorn I tells ya, just like an acorn.”
And my personal favourite:
“The ref was vertically 15 yards away. He has a moustache.”
Thanks Mike Ashley, from football supporters everywhere. We owe you one.
IT’S KEEGAN! AGAIN!
Amazing! Keegan has been running his football circus in Glasgow in 2005; now he’s going back to run an even bigger one (thank Jamie for that fantastic comparison, there).
Keegan’s managerial record at Newcastle
Win %: 55%
Now, Shearer for assistant?